You learn a whole lot in the midst of suffering. Suffering pulls the covers off of everything and leaves you with the bare truth. Suffering causes you to come face to face with yourself…it causes you to know who you really are, who God really is, your measure of true faith and understand your true abilities to persevere over any storm or, fall by the waste-side. In Christ, suffering is used to elevate us, bring us closer to God and closer to our purpose, but in the process, it’s crushing. During my four day delivery giving birth to my daughter and everything thereafter, if we thought we were suffering before, nothing prepared us for the next few months…nothing.
My husband and I went to our last sonogram. My bags were packed, 90% of things were in order and we were prepared to have our baby that day or go home and just wait. Once they put the camera on her, there she was, big and ready to come out. But something seemed wrong, the technician kept looking for something for several minutes and seemed concerned, she grabbed a doctor and he examined the baby as well. My husband and I were sitting there like, “What’s wrong?” The doctor said head right over to labor and delivery now, your fluids are extremely low and the baby is not responding the way she should, we’re going to have to take her out now. CAN ANYONE SAY NERVOUS!
My husband dropped me off at labor and delivery and went home to get my mom and my bags. I already told you in “Moving Towards Obesity” Part 2 of the nightmarish of ordeals I went through with the doctors…“because you are overweight, you run the risk of blood clotting…because of your weight…hemorrhaging…because of your weight…heart attack…respiratory failure…because of the size of your belly, if we have to perform emergency C-section, your c-section can re-open…” so that was just the beginning. The doctors explained to me because of my size and the complications that can result from a c-section, they were going to do everything they could to help me deliver this baby vaginally…which I did truly appreciate.
This was it, I was scared to death and my family hadn’t gotten there yet, so I just waited, prayed and trusted God…I was ready to see my baby and I was ready to push this baby out. While waiting for the nurses to prepare me for the Pitocin to start my contractions, out of no where, the room goes black…the nurses jumped up and left to see what was wrong and I can hear everyone outside my door yelling back and forth scrambling. I got up and poked my head out the door, everyone was scrambling, the entire labor and delivery floor was blacked out. I thought to myself, “we’ll, at least they have generators” and then I heard someone say, ‘the generators are out too, the entire hospital has no power.” W-H-A-A-A-T?!?! Are you kidding me? I said to myself, “God know’s what He’s doing, at least I wasn’t in the middle of giving birth or having a c-section at that very moment.” At that point, nothing surprised me.
My door was right by the entrance so I could hear everything. It was crazy. There were EMT’s bringing in delivering mothers and the doctor’s had to turn them away…there was arguing between the hospital staff and EMT’s, mother’s groaning out of pain, it was chaotic. My room was the only room where the computer worked, so I had some light, so in bleak darkness, I paced the floor and prayed. After this moment of prayer, everything in me was challenged…my faith…my health…my body…my thoughts…everything, after all we had been through, everything came to a head and suffering for me, in it’s truest form began. Continue to join me to hear how all of this turned out.
For those of you that have been following my journey, if I’m honest, I would love to be able to write all about the happy times in my life…great testimonies…groundbreaking breakthroughs…and yes, there were and are still many, tons of great things to tell, but my calling in this season is different…I’m called to talk about our hidden struggles. I’m called to talk about my hidden struggle with obesity. I’m called to talk about a struggle many people are facing and suffering with daily and silently and it’s eating people up ALIVE…I know, I’m one of them. People like myself and how I was previously are at a loss as to how to help themselves. I was giving birth and I was suffering inwardly. People are suffering…they’re suffering, plagued and strapped with a low or high level of depression, guilt, shame, sadness, regret and utter disappointment in themselves about their condition, whether it’s obesity or another struggle and they don’t know what to do to help themselves and be free.
God wants to address you today. If you’re struggling and suffering with anything right now, something you want to stop doing, something you know you need to stop doing but still desire to do it, something you can’t get control over or a grip on, whether it’s a place you ended up in your life you’d never thought you’d be, Christ wants to address you today:
“I LOVE YOU AND I’M NOT MAD AT YOU!!! I LOVE YOU AND I’M NOT MAD AT YOU! I WANT TO HELP YOU OVERCOME. I CAN HELP YOU OVERCOME, BUT YOU HAVE TO SUBMIT TO MY LEADING AND TAKE THOSE FIRST STEPS. YOU DON’T HAVE TO KEEP FEELING BAD ABOUT YOURSELF, I LOVE YOU AND I CAME TO HELP YOU. YOU DON’T HAVE TO OVERCOME ALONE. I’VE PREPARED A WAY OF ESCAPE FOR YOU…RELINQUISH CONTROL…LET ME HELP YOU…PUT YOUR FIRST FOOT FORWARD TOWARDS OBEDIENCE…FIGHT IN MY STRENGTH PASS YOUR FLESH…YOU HAVE WHAT YOU NEED TO WIN…YOU HAVE ME. LIFT UP YOUR HEAD, STOP FEELING BAD, I’M NOT MAD AT YOU. I LOVE YOU AND I DESIRE TO SET YOU FREE.”
Hebrews 5 (NLT)
7 While Jesus was here on earth, he offered prayers and pleadings, with a loud cry and tears, to the one who could rescue him from death. And God heard his prayers because of his deep reverence for God. 8 Even though Jesus was God’s Son, he learned obedience from the things he suffered. 9 In this way, God qualified him as a perfect High Priest, and he became the source of eternal salvation for all those who obey him. 10 And God designated him to be a High Priest...
Our Suffering and Struggles WILL Always Move Us Closer to God…IF We Let It!
Continue to join me for “Moving Towards Obesity” Part 9 where I’ll continue to share my journey, the trauma of my delivery and the suffering caused by obesity.
As always, be encouraged, stay connected, FIGHT, and Let’s Become Free Together.
Leaving the City of Guilt by Joyce Meyer, Part 2
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bV-iYTegO7s&app=desktop
In His Name,
Ke’Shawn Adamson
B.O.O.M!
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