As I reflect on the sufferings inflicted by obesity while writing these posts, if I’m honest, sometimes I feel bad for that girl, the old me, who really went through…the pain I endured not just in my body, but in my heart and soul…the trials we went through all around. Having a guilt and shame based nature over something you’ve done or something you can’t change can really keep you low…cause you to isolate yourself and hide…walk with your head down low…self-sabotaging, low-self-esteem, low self-image and most importantly, make you feel that God is angry and finished with you…disappointed and condemning you consistently which is not so…that’s the devil. There is freedom in confession, so continue to join me as I share the pain inflicted by obesity with giving birth to my daughter.
Continuing where I left off in “Moving Towards Obesity” Part 9, after several excruciating days of many methods to help me give birth vaginally, on Sunday afternoon, the new doctor on the morning shift decided it was time to give me a c-section. By that time, we were all so exhausted we agreed…let’s get the baby out once and for all. They began to prepare me for surgery and I remember once they gave me the Epidural, a drug that paralysis you from the waist down, how helpless I felt. I remember the medical staff had to move me from one gurney to another, it took everyone’s help and they struggled…at that point, at every moment, there was always a constant reminder I was obese and it would just further beat me into the ground and add to my feelings of helplessness and disappointment in myself.
After many hours of surgery, May 15, 2011 at 10:53 p.m., Elizabeth Mi’Caiah Adamson came into this world…my gift from heaven…7 Ibs 13 ounces. This little girl has no idea what it took for me, us, to bring her into this world and as my Mom would always say, “My back will never be the same” as she and my husband slept on hard chairs four days watching me try to give birth. My first glance at her she looked directly in my eyes and I was blown away…my husband was blown away. They wheeled me to recovery and my family went home. I stayed in recovery and maternity longer than I would have liked, but the doctor’s wanted to keep an eye on me to be certain that no complications transpired…which at a later point, did…
Since I was in a University Hospital, the medical staff were constantly training new interns and I never had a moments rest. Every time I looked up or was awake, I could hear the medical doctors with several interns standing outside my door discussing my case, “this patient here just had a c-section…because of her weight, she is a candidate for high blood pressure, diabetes, stroke, heart attack…etc.,etc., etc.!” Can you imagine already suffering in your soul about something but at every corner you turn, you have the devil or people the devil is sending to beat you further into the ground. That seriously made me angry and it was utterly humiliating…at every corner the devil stealing my joy. I had no rest and the staff had no mercy.
At this point, I was in excruciating pain and I couldn’t do anything for myself. Literally, my lower abdominal muscles were cut open, so I had almost no more use of my lower stomach muscles which is core for every movement you make…I couldn’t do anything for myself and I was miserable…agonizing and utterly helpless. My primary OBGYN and the labor and delivery staff was the best on the planet, but every other department and staff working at the hospital was rude, insensitive and didn’t help me at all. Between some of the nurses not being helpful…unprofessional staff, the humiliation the doctors were putting me through and the agonizing pain I was in, I couldn’t take it anymore and I signed myself out because I was about to crack up.
Once I made it home, if I thought I was suffering before, a higher level of suffering began and it ended me back up in the hospital two weeks later…just what everyone feared came to pass. Continue to join me for “Moving Towards Obesity” Part 11 where I continue to share my journey of pain, afflictions and sorrow caused by obesity.
As previously stated, for all of you going through a storm, don’t despise the process the Lord has for your lives…it’s the making of you…HOLD ON! Better days are ahead as we trust in Him. God has a plan and final destination for our pain to propel us to the next level in Him.
Jeremiah 29:11
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future, a hope (and bring you to an expected end).
1 Corinthians 15:57-58
…But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ! Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast and immovable. Always excel in the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.
God through my Mom:
“For those with a high calling and anointing over their lives, sometimes God will take you the hard and long way. The Lord could have lead the Israelite’s to the Promise-land in 12 days but instead, led them the long way to teach them some things. For the calling God has over your lives and what He’s going to give you, He has to take you the long way.”
There Is Purpose In Our Pain!
As always, Stay Connected, Be Encouraged, Fight, and Let’s Become Free Together!
Going through Life’s Storms – Jentezen Franklin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jSI8gRjFSB8
In His Name,
Ke’Shawn Adamson
B.O.O.M!
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