Looking back over my life and my journey of obesity…it’s been a very, very hard and arduous road. There are no words to ever describe the sorrow I felt and how I beat myself up for things I wasn’t capable of changing, things I didn’t know how to change. I spent years agonizing and disappointed in myself, plagued with guilt and shame that I just let myself go…I allowed my body to get that far…even with my greatest efforts. I had no idea what was wrong with me…but I knew, there was something wrong with me inwardly and honestly, I FELT LOST…BUT NO LONGER.
Through it all, I’m able to say…I’m better now…I’m stronger now…through trials of obesity and other storms, I know Christ better…I’m wiser… and through utter disappointment, shame, regret, rejection and despair, God kept me…healed and is still healing and lifting me up and allowing me to conquer obesity one step at a time…slowly, but properly. I could never, EVER, have imagined this journey without Christ…I would have folded. I PRAISE GOD that my past is no longer my present and there is a greater hope for me, for us, who are striving forward in Christ in our fight to overcome.
Continuing where I left off with “Moving Towards Obesity” Part 11, after coming home from the hospital with my daughter, I agonized with the condition of my body. Trying to manage with a new born baby, trying to figure out her needs and managing my pain and limitations alone, I was scared to death…petrified!!! Once my Husband and Mom went back to work, it was nothing but me, my baby and Jesus…No Words.
A couple of weeks after being home and trying to manage, I started to feel sick. (For those with weak stomachs please brace yourself!). I remember telling my husband for a few days I didn’t feel right…we both felt like I just needed more rest and my pain was apart of the process of my healing. One Sunday morning when my husband was on his way to church, I started to feel really bad, but said I would take some pain meds and lay down with the baby.
Once she fell asleep, I got out of bed and when I bent over to put her in her swing, I looked at the floor and I saw blood everywhere…everywhere! I yelled, “Uh ohh…I’m bleeding…I’m bleeding.” My husband jumped up, saw the blood and yelled to my mom, my Mom rushed me to the bathroom while my husband was heading to the phone to call 911. I was bleeding everywhere profusely and we had no idea where the blood was coming from. My husband shouted, I’m calling 911 and me being me, I said NO, just drive me to the hospital, I’m alright, I’m alright…but then it dawned on me…I could be hemorrhaging…I could die on the way…so he called. My mom stayed with me trying to keep the bleeding under control…and at that point, all we could do was wait and pray not knowing. It’s at these times, when you’re at the end of your rope, you have to know the power of Jesus to save and keep you…No Words!…outside of losing my father, one of the lowest periods of my life.
There is an expected end for those that are going through immense pain, a terrible struggle, for your life, our lives. There’s a final destination in Jesus when we allow Him to take us through our process, our hurt, sorrow, our pain and work in Him towards bringing about the good. He’s capable to save, help, heal and make whole…He’s doing it in me…He’ll do it for YOU too as we trust and ABIDE in Him. The Lord is resonating in my spirit, “There is Purpose In Our Pain. There is Purpose in Our Pain. There is Purpose in Our Pain…Hold On, there’s a place He’s bringing us in Him…He’s Lifting Us Higher.”
Hebrews 5:7-10(NLT) 7 While Jesus was here on earth, he offered prayers and pleadings, with a loud cry and tears, to the one who could rescue him from death. And God heard his prayers because of his deep reverence for God. 8 Even though Jesus was God’s Son, he learned obedience from the things he suffered. 9 In this way, God qualified him as a perfect High Priest, and he became the source of eternal salvation for all those who obey him. 10 And God designated him to be a High Priest Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future, a hope (and bring you to an expected end). John 15: 4-5,7-8 (NKJV) 4 Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. 5 “I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing. 7 If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will[b] ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you. 8 By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples.
Continue to join me for “Moving Towards Obesity” Part 13 where I’ll be concluding this series. As always, stay connected, be encouraged, Fight and Let’s become free together.
Dreams & Mysteries – The Mystery of Destiny
In His Name,
Ke’Shawn Adamson
B.O.O.M!
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