My journey coming from average weight to moving towards Morbid Obesity has been one of the toughest fights of my life. Literally, I’ve been fighting for my life for about 16 years…a majority of my adult hood…self-soothing wounds that I didn’t know existed that needed healing…comforting myself to ease my grief over loved ones that have gone on…trying to figure out adult changes in my body feeling utterly helpless, lost and unable to fix any of it. I HATED what my body had become and felt exhaustively helpless to change…with my GREATEST efforts…CRUSHED! DISCOURAGED! UNKNOWINGLY DEPRESSED! STRIPPED OF MY DIGNITY…UNFATHOMABLE DISAPPOINTMENT IN MYSELF…MAD…REJECTED…SELF CONDEMNATION…FEELING CONDEMNED BY GOD. I sit here and type as the tears stream down my face never, ever, wanting to return to this place again…NEVER…EVER…EVER! Today, I’m releasing my past…my moving towards obesity…that young woman SECRETLY wrecked with pain and shame…and today…I embrace New Beginnings…Conquering and Overcoming…Slow & Steady WINNING the Race…Moving Towards Health And Wholeness. Today, I’m saying goodbye to “Moving Towards Obesity” Part 13 series and recounting my story…Now…I’m moving towards to the HIGHER calling in Christ and RETRIEVING MY PRIZE.
Leaving where I left off in “Moving Towards Obesity” Part 12, two weeks after I gave birth to my daughter, I didn’t feel right…you know that feeling you get when you absolutely know something’s not right. After putting the baby to sleep, I went to put her in her swing and when I looked down on the floor, I saw blood everywhere…I was bleeding profusely. My husband called 911 and they whisked me to the nearest hospital. The hospital staff quickly examined me and concluded the blood was coming from my C-section…but couldn’t tell me WHY I was bleeding…but I knew something was wrong.
My husband and I arrived at the hospital around 11 am, but because the hospital were short staffed and over-crowed, I sat on that stretcher profusely bleeding well into the evening before being taken to another hospital. You talk about scared…absolutely No Words to describe the fear I had…I asked one doctor if they would need to go back in again and re-open my C-section and perform another surgery and she said yes…I WAS D-O-N-E! I just gave birth two weeks ago, up until that point my C-section was healing nicely…but you mean to tell me I’m going to have to go through another Epidural, surgery and recovery all over again…NO WORDS…most importantly…I was going to be separated from my baby…I can’t see my baby…I can’t feed my baby…she’s not going to understand why her Mommy isn’t with her…ABSOLUTELY NO WORDS!
Once the staff was able to get a hold of my OBGYN, we put in a transfer right away and she ordered me to come to her hospital so she can care for me…World’s best doctor and blessing. Once there, she came armed and ready for me…she brought with her a team of doctor’s, pulled me an emergency operating room and began to work on me for a couple of hours. After it was all over, she explained to me that the remaining fluids in my stomach after birth turned into an infected cyst which then became a hard as a rock mini-basketball in my stomach…with nowhere to go, the pressure of the cyst eventually ruptured causing the fluid to force open my C-section leaving me a five by five hole in my abdomen. Once the procedure was over, she calmed my fears and assured me intensive surgery wasn’t necessary, but, I was going to have to stay in the hospital for a few days. I was so grateful and thankful to The Lord for keeping me during that period, but my heart was broken in a thousand pieces…I was back in the hospital again and away from the comforts of my family…most importantly, I was separated from my baby and leaving my family to scramble to care for me and her…No Words!
Once I was home, I was in pain beyond belief…constant tending to my wound…tending to a baby that never wanted to be put down and always hungry…trying to breast feed and every time I did, pain would shoot right through my abdomen causing more pain…home alone…and every day for the next three to four months, visiting nurses came daily to re-open and clean my wound…scared to death for anyone to touch my wound…all of this occurring while still holding my baby in my arms to prevent her from crying and making me panic…then the re-occurrence of more cysts on other parts of my body…more pain…more minor procedures and it goes on and on. The depth of my emotional and physical pain I endured during this season was like I hit a bottomless pit. I can see the fear and exhaustion in my Husband and Mother’s face as we went through all of this together. Did obesity cause all of this trouble? Maybe, or maybe not, these things happen to thin women every day, but I tell you what, obesity in my case, didn’t help the matter and set in motion a fire storm of events perhaps if I hadn’t been obese, maybe some of these things wouldn’t have happened…but God still had a plan for it all.
Eventually my body healed after 3-4 month and it was during this time and for the first time, I was able to TRULY begin to enjoy the joys of motherhood…watching her grow, her first moments, TRULY bonding and experiencing a new life, a new role for me with my new baby. The storms of life continued and kept trying to beat us down, but we trudged forward. It was during this time, the Lord lead my Mother to help me get back on track to begin my weight loss journey again and introduced me to Food Lover’s Fat Loss System, which she saw on TV. I gave it a try and the weight started to come off, but I wasn’t consistent enough and the weight would eventually come back on. After seasons of loss and gain, it was then, June of 2015, the Lord gave me an ultimatum, “Loose The Weight…Your Purpose is Tied To Your Weight Loss…It Is The Very Thing I Will Use To Bring You To That Next Level In Me, You Have No Idea What I Have Planned IF You Would Just Commit and Buckle Down….” So, here I am.
Thank you for joining me on this Journey…it’s been SOME experience looking back…recounting the pain…humiliation…the host of feelings etc. I realized while writing this series I still had some healing to do over things that occurred so long ago…things I trudged through but never received a level of comfort. This series has been long, even for me, but I know The Lord had a huge purpose for wanting me to share such intimate and private details of my life. During this series, and others as well, I’ve had countless people reach out to me worldwide to express their gratitude for me telling my story…the bad and ugly things people don’t talk about but are struggling with hardships and pain too. For those that have left a comment, shared their experience, encouraged me in any way or supported me on social media, thank you! It means so much to me and a ton to God.
This Concludes “My Journey Towards Obesity.”
Therefore, TODAY, I SAY GOOD-BYE TO OBESITY IN MY LIFE…ONCE AND FOR ALL…IN THE NAME OF JESUS!!! WHAT HAD ME BOUND, HAS ME BOUND NO LONGER!
I’m embracing the new and improved me…I have not arrived…but I’m not where I was and far from where I used to be…stay connected and join me for my upcoming post on what God is doing with me today and enjoy some new weight loss pics and insight on what’s working for me…It’s been slow…but it’s been steady and this time, I’m Winning The Race. Continue to Join Me!
1 Corinthians 2:9 (NKJV)
But as it is written: “Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, Nor have entered into the heart of man The things which God has prepared for those who love Him.
As always, Be Encouraged, Stay Connected, Fight and Let’s Become Free Together.
TD Jakes 2016 – Fit For The Fight
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CM6Po6nDtnM&list=LL6dESyi0MpZhEKD4pYoqfUg&index=1
In His Name,
Ke’Shawn Adamson
B.O.O.M!
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