I remember lying in bed one night watching T.V. and out of nowhere, it felt like my heart beat all of a sudden tripled and I could literally feel my heart pounding against my chest and beating in my throat…this went on for several minutes, then all of a sudden, it stopped. I was panicked inwardly, but didn’t want to panic my husband or mother, so I played it cool and continued to watch T.V., prayed and stayed quite. The next thing you know, It started again but had gotten worse. I thought to myself, oh my gosh, I could be having a heart attack?
I sat up hysterically crying holding my heart, I shouted and startled my husband, who then called my mom, “My heart is pounding, it’s racing, I can feel my heart beat in my throat, something’s wrong with my heart, my heart is beating uncontrollably, I’m feeling light headed, it won’t stop pounding…” They immediately rushed me to the emergency room. At this time, I was about 4-5 months pregnant.
Once we got there, they immediately did a EKG and found nothing wrong. We stayed there for hours and they still found nothing wrong, but I knew something was wrong. It was like that night, my heart would just go crazy and then all of a sudden stop and then it’d start all over again sporadically. The hospital sent me home and I was scared to death, you don’t play with your heart not to mention I had precious cargo in my belly, but I couldn’t do anything, the best thing I could do was pray.
I saw my primary care physician and they ran more test…nothing. They then sent me to a cardiologist…nothing. Let me just say this, the fact that I was even being sent to a cardiologist floored me…after all I’d been going through…I gained an enormous amount of weight in a short span of time that I couldn’t seem to get control over even with my best efforts, I’m obese and strapped with feelings of discouragement, disappointment, guilt, shame and fear, I’m having a high risk pregnancy, I can’t even exercise to get physically fit to prepare for this birth, I just recovered from a season of extreme cramping which could have led to a miscarriage, I was dehydrated for lack of fluids, my office just downsized and I’m was the last man standing managing three programs simultaneously and in the process of losing my job in the next few weeks, and then, I’m sitting in the cardiologist office, strapped with wires bewildered about the happenings of my heart, the most important organ in my body…not to mention, my husband had the most insane, abusive, corrupt and disrespectful job known to man…this my friend, was the beginning of one of the roughest, suffering periods of my entire life…No words!
So, the EKG didn’t pick anything up, the sonogram of my heart seemed fine, but apparently, something was wrong. They sent me home and monitored me from home, but, I had to go on medication and that medication might not have been the greatest for the baby…I refused to go on it and said I’ll be fine but, if I didn’t, I was told that if my heart began to race uncontrollably again, I could pass out, I could be alone and pass out, driving a car and pass out, crossing the street and pass out, so to ensure my safety and the safety of the baby, I had to take the medication…that brought with it a whole new level of concern, praying to God the medication didn’t affect my baby.
I asked him this one question, does my weight have anything to do with what’s going on? The doctor said to me, “many pregnant women develop electrical issues with their heart when they’re expecting, maybe for me, pregnancy brought out an issue that was already there, but, my weight could be a contributing factor…with weight gain, your heart has to work harder, but with weight gain and a baby factored in, its works doubly hard…so your heart is doing a lot…so your weight could be playing a factor.”
There are no words to describe how low down and beat to the ground I felt…I really gave it my best efforts to lose this weight and then something would happen and throw me off and it was vicious cycle and now, I’m at this place. The doctor told me I couldn’t gain any more than 20 pounds of pregnancy weight, but the scale just kept creeping up…no matter what I did, I was losing all control…my circumstances, my health, my finances, my career…I had no control over anything, all I had was God…even with the support of my immediate family rallying around me, I was in a bubble, I was scared to death and I was all alone…suffering silently.
Just when you think it can’t get worse…I woke up one morning and something was wrong with my baby…Continue to join me for “Moving Towards Obesity” Part 7 as I continue to share my journey towards obesity.
For those of you who are going through tremendous suffering, pain, guilt, shame and unforgiveness, let these scriptures minister to you:
Romans 8 (NLT)
8 So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. 2 And because you belong to him, the power[a] of the life-giving Spirit has freed you…26 And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groaning’s that cannot be expressed in words. 27 And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers[l] in harmony with God’s own will. 28 And we know that God causes everything to work together[m] for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. 29 For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn[n] among many brothers and sisters. 30 And having chosen them, he called them to come to him. And having called them, he gave them right standing with himself. And having given them right standing, he gave them his glory.
35 Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? 36 (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”[o]) 37 No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.
38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[p] neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Psalm 18 (NLT)
6 But in my distress I cried out to the Lord; yes, I prayed to my God for help.
He heard me from his sanctuary; my cry to him reached his ears.
9 He opened the heavens and came down; dark storm clouds were beneath his feet.
10 Mounted on a mighty angelic being,[b] he flew, soaring on the wings of the wind.
16 He reached down from heaven and rescued me; he drew me out of deep waters.
19 He led me to a place of safety; he rescued me because he delights in me.
29 In your strength I can crush an army; with my God I can scale any wall.
30 God’s way is perfect. All the Lord’s promises prove true. He is a shield for all who look to him for protection.
33 He makes me as surefooted as a deer, enabling me to stand on mountain heights.
34 He trains my hands for battle; He strengthens my arm to draw a bronze bow.
36 You have made a wide path for my feet to keep them from slipping.
39 You have armed me with strength for the battle; you have subdued my enemies under my feet.
48 (He) rescues me from my enemies. You hold me safe beyond the reach of my enemies; you save me from violent opponents.
49 For this, O Lord, I will praise you among the nations; I will sing praises to your name. 50 You give great victories to your king; you show unfailing love to your anointed…
As always, be encouraged, stay connected, fight, and Let’s Become Free Together!
Chip Ingram – Three Ways to Know God’s in Control … No Matter What.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7rgUq3J0b5c
In His Name,
Ke’Shawn Adamson
B.O.O.M!
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