My name is Ke’Shawn Adamson and I am Morbidly Obese. I wasn’t always obese and especially “Morbidly Obese.” Something happened to me. Something happened during my latter years in college and I’ve never been the same. This is My Confession and this is My Journey.
I remember when I was first awakened to the term “Morbidly Obese.” I heard the word in passing, on television and in various forms of print media, but “Morbidly Obese” wasn’t a word I would often hear in my travels. My first experience with the word is when I visited my cardiologist. When I was pregnant with my daughter, I developed heart palpitations where my heart could beat up to 160 beats per minute and I would have uncontrollable heart patterns and double palpitations, so they continued to monitor me after having the baby to ensure I didn’t have a heart condition. Recently, at the end of one of my visits, I went to make a follow-up appointment at the reception desk and the receptionist handed me a summary report of my visit.
I thought to myself, “Oh, cool, a summary of my visit and his findings.” I stood there reading my report and kept reading further down the page and saw what the doctor wrote in his prognosis, “MORBIDLY OBESE.” I stood there utterly shocked. “Morbidly Obese?” The prognosis didn’t say heart palpitations due to a high risk pregnancy, it said “Morbidly Obese.” I didn’t realize all that time the doctor had in my chart my prognosis as “Morbidly Obese.” I knew I was considered obese according to medical standards. If you weigh at least 30-50 pounds or more over your recommended ideal body weight, you’re considered overweight or obese. Those recommendations are good standards, but by no means are practical because everyone is built differently. So to call me obese, Yes, I get that and accepted that, but to call me “Morbidly Obese?” Ain’t nobody got time for that! Ain’t nobody got time for Morbidly Obese! My first reaction to that word was anger. I was angry, but my anger turned into hurt and it was a rude awaking that I was being associated with such a horrible word.
I knew what that term meant, but wasn’t 100 percent sure, so while in my car, I pulled out my phone and looked it up. According to UR Medicine at Highland Hospital,
“Morbid Obesity is a serious health condition that can interfere with basic physical functions such as breathing or walking. Those who are morbidly obese are at greater risk for illnesses including diabetes, high blood pressure, sleep apnea, gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD), gallstones, osteoarthritis, heart disease, and cancer. Morbid obesity is diagnosed by determining Body Mass Index (BMI). An individual is considered morbidly obese if he or she is 100 pounds over his/her ideal body weight, has a BMI of 40 or more, or 35 or more and experiencing obesity-related health conditions, such as high blood pressure or diabetes. Obesity-related health conditions reduce life expectancy….”
I went to my car and I just sat there digesting what I’ve read. When I read that word in my report, something in me sank. Even though I was going to the gym, I had lost some weight and felt good about my progress, the fact that I was referred to as “Morbidly Obese” made me feel some sort of way. I talked it over with my husband and he focused on all the good that I’m doing to change myself, but the sad reality for me is that I am Morbidly Obese.
I felt ashamed before God and bewildered at myself. A thousand questions ran through my mind “How did I let myself get this far? What is wrong with me? I don’t want to die, but why don’t I care or love myself enough to keep fighting until I win? What about my family? What would I do to my family if I die? What about my girls? My husband really needs me. My Mommy needs me. If I die, that would devastate and cripple my girls for life. Christ needs me. I had a plethora of feelings and questions that would plague me for quite some time. That word rocked my foundation. This is my journey of Morbid Obesity.
Continue to join me for “My Journey Towards Obesity” Part 2 where I’ll recount the cruelty, shame and humiliation brought on by others as a result of my obesity.
As always, be encouraged, stay connected, fight and Let’s Become Free Together.
If you haven’t seen the video of my story, check it out.
In His Name,
Ke’Shawn Adamson
B.O.O.M!
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