Now that my youngest daughter is out of school, her transition into summer time activities has been pretty nostalgic for me. Walking her into Vacation Bible School at my former church and camp held at my old elementary school has flooded me with memories, some good, some not so good. Right now, The Lord is taking me on a journey of remembering and relinquishing my past, so I can step forth into my future.
I’ve made a lot of gains in my weight loss efforts and with transforming my mind, but, I’m struggling with consistency and being double-minded with some of my food choices from time to time and it causes me to go backwards in my weight loss efforts.
As I look back over my life, I had a great childhood with many many great memories. But also as a child, I was filled with so much grief and heart break from losing so many instrumental loved ones and the abrupt changes that occurred in my family dynamics that I’ve never rebounded from it til this day. I realize now that I’ve always carried around a low sense of sadness and grief from all of my loss, holding my breath hoping and praying to get back some of what I loss, but to no avail.
Walking in my former church brought back great memories of great times, however, even thinking of walking into my elementary school with my little one automatically made me grief stricken.
Lately, God has really been dealing with me regarding dying to self, being consistent and obedient in my food choices and shedding my past, which is all interconnected. Recently, I have to admit, I’ve been very double-minded with my eating habits. I can eat great for a while but then, I get tired of the discipline and self-control and I just cave into my food cravings. This has been a struggle all my life and for me, its been a vicious cycle that I’ve never broken which is why I never lost all of the weight I desired.
As I was in prayer the other day, The Lord lead me to this scripture that I shared with you in the last post,
Joshua 1:2-3 says,
“Moses My servant is dead. Now therefore, arise, go over this Jordan , you and all this people, to the land which I am giving them…Every place that the sole of your foot will tread upon I have given you….”
As I prayed the other day, The Lord revealed to me that I’m doing things in my behavior that’s still keeping my past alive. He revealed to me that I’m still stuck in a place of grief that I’ve never arose from. Sure, outwardly, I’m doing well, I’ve had great successes in my career and educationally, I have a beautiful husband and family, but inwardly, my heart is still stuck in my past and all I lost.
It’s possible to be traumatized by something in life and outwardly, you’re making movements, accomplishing many goals seemingly successful, but inwardly, you’re stuck in your behavior, mind-set and pattern of doing things that just doesn’t serve you well that prevents you from being your greatest.
This week, The Lord revealed to me that I’ve been delivered from my past, but, the foods I reach for is keeping my past alive in me.
It may be food for some, other vices or behaviors for others, but some of our negative behaviors we engage in today stem from our past and every time we engage in a certain behavior, we’re reliving our past thus, keeping it alive within us.
Various foods for me are triggers to derail my progress. It’s those really sweet, salty, fatty foods that feed my flesh, but what I use to subconsciously to sooth my soul and comfort me when I’m stressed and pacify my voids. Every time I engage in eating those things, I’m reliving my past, which is keeping my grief, loss and past alive.
The Lord told me,
“In order to let go of your past, you have to relinquish the foods that’s keeps you connected to your past.”
Truth be told, I’m t-i-r-e-d! I’m at such a crossroads in my life, I’m right before the promise-land and I’m fatigued. I’ve been struggling and battling inwardly, such a war. The Lord is allowing me to go down this road for there are some things I need to put to rest now and make peace with, my family being gone and the fact that what I had, is no more and it’s over. Moses is dead, my family gone and He wants me to arise, embrace all the blessings I have today and look forward to my tomorrow.
If I’m to leave my past behind, I have to leave the behaviors behind that comforted me in my pain and I can’t hold onto old behaviors in a new promise-land for it will destroy me. If I am to let go and remove my past from my today, I can no longer be double-minded, I can no longer negotiate with the enemy but lay food, those cakes, cookies, comfort foods that comforted me for so long to rest.
What I eat is no longer simply about me and feeding my flesh, but it’s feeding my past, keeping it alive and moving me away from my promise.
As I read “Dying To Self…” by Apostle Maldonado, he said,
“…when (you) surrender your will, the bad things that are rooted in it will leave (your) life.”
I have to force out my giants, my past, my grief, the spirit of compromise and woundedness by changing what eat. By surrendering food to God, I kill the past and the enemy trying to enslave me.
For the first time, I truly understand what’s going on with me spiritually and why I had a hard time dying to self and laying down certain foods. I’m literally tired in my soul fighting, so now, I’m waving my big white flag to the Lord, I surrender and I’m releasing my past so God can have His way so I can be fully transformed, fully free and abundantly walking in my destiny, A Chain Breaker.
Today, I’m washing my face of my yesterday. Pray for me as I continue to pray for you in overcoming our struggles.
Continue to join me as I share with you what Christ is sharing with me about overcoming. As Always, Be Encouraged, Stay Connected, Fight & Lets Become Free Together.
Wash Your face (Change your Attitude) Td jakes Motivation – Grace Digital
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K2yiyIwz8Us
In His Name,
Ke’Shawn Adamson
B.O.O.M!
