Hey Folks! In this season in my life, The Lord is dealing with me regarding slowing down. I can feel it in my body “Slow Down…You’re Pushing Me Too Far!” I’m in a season if I don’t listen to my body, the devil doesn’t have to try to destroy me, because I’m destroying me with lacking discipline in self-care and creating boundries for myself and with others.
I’m so wired and ON all the time, the things that matter most, are missing. My heart is calling to be closer with Jesus, a true desire to be one with Him in everything, but, I literally cannot sit still long enough because I always feel like there’s something to do.
I always feel a sense of dissatisfaction like I can be doing more or I’m not doing enough and I’m not content unless I ran 14 marathons, participated in every activity with our children, went on every play date, cleaned the house 14 times, ran a thousand errands, worked on B.O.O.M! for umpteen hours all within a day.
I realize something is wrong and I need to look at WHY I feel the need to work myself to death.
The Lord lead me to one scripture that brought me to tears,
Romans 4:3, 5-8
The scripture says, “Abraham believed God, and because of his faith God accepted him as righteous.” But those who depend on faith, not on deeds, and who believe in the God who declares the guilty to be innocent, it is this faith that God takes into account in order to put them right with himself. This is what David meant when he spoke of the happiness of the person whom God accepts as righteous, apart from anything that person does: “Happy are those whose wrongs are forgiven, whose sins are pardoned! Happy is the person whose sins the Lord will not keep account of!”
What that scripture revealed to me was that I’m working to be proved faithful, but, there’s other reasons why I work so hard, and I’m trying to fill some sort of void.
Am I: trying to work to earn God’s approval and not walking in grace, trying to prove my self-worth in what I do and not who I am, people pleasing & trying to gain others approval, trying to be perfect so I wouldn’t feel rejected, trying to follow the worlds standards and clawing to get a head, trying to self-sooth so I can avoid thinking of things I should be taking into prayer, lacking contentment etc.
Truth is, we all loose balance for many different reasons. Faith without works is dead, we know that, but, works without resting in God’s Grace and over working for the wrong reasons can kill us. God just sat me out, He kinda forced me with my entire family getting Influenza A recently, which knocked us all out. I even had to stop going to the gym because it was all becoming counter-productive and tearing my body down instead of building it up.
I need rest, not just in my body, but my soul. I’m on a quest to rest, recharge and find grace and balance and killing the root to my working like a madd woman. I’m learning to lean on God’s Grace knowing that it’s ok to say No to whatever and whomever if I know it’s more than I can handle.
I’m realizing that I’m beautiful, worthy of love and celebration for WHO I am, Who God made me and What He thinks of me, apart from my doing. By nature, I’m a super hard worker, but somewhere in there, I’ve learned there’s a partial defective root why I work so hard, I’m trying to earn God and people’s love and approval fearing rejection and being devalued. I’m learning I don’t have to work for God’s Love or approval. My faith in His Son Jesus makes me loved and accepted in His sight, and in that, I need to find rest.
He loves and accepts me and you just as We are. For those that put conditions on us when we own our truth and have to maintain our boundaries and they’re not OK with us, they’re simply not worthy of our love or company. The Bible says, Who can condemn us, NO One! All have fallen short of the Glory of God.
This is a great series on Living With A Margin with Rick Warren. Join me on this journey to finding peace, joy, balance, rest and learning how to be present, refueling in Jesus and walking in His Grace.
Continue to join me as I share with you what Christ is sharing with me about overcoming. As Always, Be Encouraed, Stay Connected, Fight, and Let’s Become Free Together.
Your’s In Christ,
Ke’Shawn Adamson
B.O.O.M!
